Distorted Thinking and Sexuality

[Having received zero hits on this blog after a few days and realizing that my dissertation links are for pdf files only, here's one section from Chapter 2 that may be more easily searchable on the internet and hopefully helpful to many:]


Distorted thinking and sexuality
One area that has been greatly soiled and spoiled by distorted thinking perhaps more than any other and that has also made a laughing stock of an increasing number of Christian leaders is that of sexuality and intimacy. Rosenau, “a pioneer in Christian sex therapy” and a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, decried: “Since the Fall, sex has been in a downhill spiral of immaturity and distortion.”[1] Sexual addiction begins, as does any unhealthy addiction, with the distortion of lies and self-deception:
I don’t really have a problem,
I can handle this alone.
This [the secret activity] is helping me be a better husband [or father, or worker].
It relaxes me and makes me happier to be around.
As long as I’m not hurting anyone else—and … no one finds out—this activity is alright.
I’m an exception. This activity is normally wrong, but circumstances are so extreme [my marriage is so bad, my job is so stressful] that this activity is okay for me ... [as long as an unhealthy addiction] doesn’t take place … I’d never go that far.[2]

It appears that there is much greater participation world wide in every type of sexual sin mentioned in the Bible today than ever before. A key reason for this increase in recent years has been the Internet, wrote Hodge and Lindquist, which “provides the ultimate in affordability, accessibility and anonymity to enable sexual addictions.”[3] Other disturbing statistics in this same article include:
Women had only slightly lower rates of sexually compulsive Internet behavior [than men].
Fifty-one percent of pastors say cyberporn is a possible temptation. Thirty-seven percent say it is a current struggle.
There are an estimated 400,000 pornographic Web sites, mostly outside of the U.S. … a Web search for “free porn” generated 1.65 million references.[4]

The article which followed stated that people “felt that their resistance level against pornography decreased the more fatigued they became … emotionally ‘numb’ … not feel[ing] much sorrow, joy sadness or excitement.” One person who had felt numb for several months reported finally feeling emotionally “alive” again after having accidentally opened an X-rated site while searching for information about starting a new ministry. The solution offered to avoid fatigue from overwork was that people need “to learn how to rest, relax and pace themselves.”[5]
There may still be some pastors, parents, or other Christian leaders who not aware of the major shifts which occurred in the early seventies and eighties in what used to be called the “soft-core” pornography magazines. Many of these have gone a step or more beyond that category. These people should consider the advice which Dobson advocated to one pastor after having served on the U.S. Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography: “Get yourself educated … first hand … and then just do as God leads from that point on.”[6] The caveat that should be mentioned to avoid getting this education privately and becoming addicted in the process is that it is best done in the company of other mature believers who are serious about helping those who are addicted as Hybles did with his pastoral staff. In 1989 there were “240 million pornographic magazines printed … in [America]. … Pornography [was] a $6-8 billion-a-year industry. Most of it is controlled by organized crime, almost all of it going untouched, and it’s growing exponentially.”[7] In 1996 one article mentioned that the figure was between eight and ten billion dollars a year. No doubt it is much higher today.
This same article uses the term “distorted thinking” in describing man’s inhumanity to women:
Most of pornography’s customers are men. As a result, women are most often the victims of the distorted thinking of the addict: The belief that any kind of sex, even that involving

violence, is pleasurable. This can lead to an acceptance of coercive acts in sexual relationships, both married and non-married.[8]

Since the advent of the World Wide Web with its lack of restraint on any type of information, chat forums, pictures, or videos, the “slippery slope to secretive lives and wounded relationships,”[9] has become even more slippery. Although this is can be true in a moral sense, and is used as a warning to others of the dangers involved, the term “slippery slope” is also known as one of the “fallacies of fact gathering … a kind of straw man in which you exaggerate the negative effects of an action or event so that you make them seem harder to ‘swallow.’” Cohen continued with another variation of slippery slope in which someone is “suggesting that these effects will ‘snowball,’ so that one bad effect will gradually lead to further even worse ones.” For example, one may fear that if he fails something, he will “never amount to anything.”[10] Some have feared or even concluded that they should never marry because of having committed a major sin. Another article defines “Domino Effect/Slippery Slope: arguing against by linking a first decision with possible unproved negative future outcomes.”[11] Many Christians, who are caught in the bind of sexual or any other type of unhealthy addiction, attempt to live a double life under a cloud of guilt. Eventually they will discover that they cannot successfully overcome it without divulging their secret and without community support.
A few pornographic pictures or videos from whatever source are never enough because just as “Death and destruction are never satisfied … neither are the eyes of man” (Prov. 27:20). George claims that a person’s “imagination is always more titillating than what his eyes actually see.”[12] Hybles observes: “Reality can never live up to fantasy. … Once we become comfortable in Fantasyland … [it] becomes reality to us, and so we are easily deceived … we can find happiness only in satisfying our sexual appetites.”[13] Hughes reports: “Eight-one percent of the students responding to the GRIP poll admitted to intentionally downloading pornography on their home computer.”[14]
No matter what the unhealthy addiction may be, sexual or not, it is a
pathological love and trust relationship with an object or event … which will always be there when he needs it. … the addict begins to build his defense system to protect himself from those who would attempt to rid him of this fantasy. … He … will shift blame, shade the truth, lie, and intimidate those around him. … His distorted view of reality will be the means by which he will now judge others … the addict becomes increasingly isolated … [he] is angry that everyone does not see his point of view … His world will become increasingly more secretive, more isolated, more necessary … ending a[n] addiction is not easy.[15]

The pornographic magazines and similar sites on the Web would not have been so appealing to Christians if they had been adequately mentored by godly parents (or men and women) first and foremost in the area of their attitudes and character, and then in the area of sex. They could recommend helpful resources such as those mentioned in an appendix of this study.
One of the major reasons that Christian husbands (or fiancées) gravitate secretly to pornographic sites, videos, books and magazines is that they have not adequately discussed the topic of sex with their wife (or wife to be). Many marriage counselors encourage couples to expand their understanding together, filling in the gaps of their knowledge and enjoyment of each other:[16]
“The principle of what is loving and caring for the other person must be addressed. On the other hand, the teaching that our bodies are each other’s to enjoy must also be incorporated.”[17] Allender and Longman describe three barriers to experiencing the joy of uninhibited, passionate sex as God had intended within marriage: “Every couple faces three great enemies to desire, arousal, and climax: anxiety, disgust, and anger. Anxiety is often due to a fear of performance … Disgust is often related to parental and/or church shame that has impugned the desirability and delight of sexuality … [and to] shame related to past sexual abuse or even past immorality … [A]nger … arises when one or both spouses feel used … and soul ignored or denigrated … Sexual dissatisfaction [by either spouse] is a sensitive indicator that God’s plan for marriage is off track.”[18]
Apart from sadomasochism which is not conducive to one’s marriage, there are still several sexual activities considered by some spouses as disgusting, but newer Christian books from the West are beginning to challenge such negative or fearful attitudes. No authors, however, are as urgent as African Christian authors, who believe that the only hope of effectively fighting AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases is to encourage spouses to so please their mates (both sexually and otherwise, Eph. 4:32; 5:25-33) that the enticement of prostitutes and affairs will be nullified: “I feel free to do things to him and he also feels free to do things to me. Isn’t that the best way to make sure that one will not be tempted to engage in risky behaviors outside one’s marriage?”[19] This book is highly recommended by many conservative Christian missionaries in Cameroon who are concerned about the spread of AIDS.
The attitude of being used, degraded, or denigrated is also being challenged in light of mutual submission and trying to out-serve the other: “Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for oneself but rather by giving out. Let us, as married couples, try to out love one another … without any restrictions, the couples should feel free to experiment and to ‘know’ each other in the most intimate sense possible.”[20] Such an attitude may also result in eliminating fanaticizing with pornography which is oftentimes done in revenge for a spouse’s refusal to engage in certain sexual activities which are not forbidden by the Bible.[21]
The boundaries for mutual enjoyment are sufficiently delineated in 1 Cor. 6:12; 7:5; 10:23; and Heb. 13:4 taken together. An in-depth study of The Song of Solomon would also be very helpful. Intimacy improves as couples experience greater ease, empathy, and understanding in openly discussing this and any other topic. There should not be any forbidden topic or issue, nothing “swept under the carpet” or postponed indefinitely. Resolution should be the goal for harmonious unity in marriage: “If a couple does not routinely clean their relationship of damaging emotions and lingering pain, they are bound to drift apart.”[22]
One commonly quoted statistic in the literacy is stated by the Mayhalls: “If the sex life of a married couple is happy, it is a small fraction of the total relationship—perhaps 5%. But if it is unhappy, it colors everything else and becomes closer to the 90% of the relationship because it affects many other parts of life.”[23] They continue by explaining that when one spouse withholds rendering pleasure to the other, thus violating 1 Cor. 7:5, he or she has becomes equally guilty for the inevitable increase in temptation the other will face (Matt. 18:7).
Two other verses that could serve as important guidelines for healthy marital relationships (along with the backdrop of the Golden Rule and the passages mentioned in the previous paragraph) could include Eph. 5:18, 21. These could all be summarized as follows: “Do not become obsessed or intoxicated by anything or by anyone except by the Holy Spirit. Only by his enablement can one show courteous reverence, submission, and unconditional love to one’s mate and thereby experience guilt-free, mutually intoxicating, uninhibited, pleasurable intimacy.”[24]
Intimate companionship is what people are actually seeking, but many are frustrated in their attempt to find it even within a faithful monogamous marriage. The root of this difficulty can partially be traced at least as far back as the “dualism inherited from the Greeks who saw the mind as positive and the body as negative … we worship with our minds and sin with our bodies.”[25] In reality we are expected to worship with both as well as with our heart, but “we sin above all with our minds.” Thus we separate and elevate the enjoyment of the pleasurable experiences of the sexual union above the enjoyment of the closeness of the intimate relationship. Guinness proposes that this has led to dissecting the word
lust … in terms of such components as promiscuity, pornography, adultery, incest, seduction, prostitution, rape and unnatural vice. But at its heart lust is an idolizing of sex in the sense of an unethical and unrestrained expression of the sexual impulse. It happens even in proper sexual relations when the object of sexual desire is not the sexual partner but rather the pleasure or services that the partner can provide. … Happiness, runs the “Grand Modern Lie,” depends upon being forever sexually attractive and fulfilled … the mournful and medical aspect of twentieth-century pornography and promiscuity strongly suggests that we have reached one of those periods of spiritual depression, where people go to bed because they have nothing better to do … the two main pangs of lust are dehumanization and self-deception [resulting in loneliness and] an even deeper longing [for fulfillment].[26]

This longing can only find its ultimate fulfillment in a deeper more intimate relationship with Christ since no other human can fill this gap. Just as “the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ” (Gal. 3:24, NASB), it may be that this strong desire for intimacy with another person is also a tutor to increase one’s hunger and thirst for the deepest intimate relationship possible in this life with another human (a spouse of the opposite sex) and with God. Sex was “designed to lead us into relationships,” the relationship with God being the most crucial.[27] Such intimacy would enable us to (1) experience genuine unconditional love, (2) find meaning, (3) find purpose, (4) have a transparent, honest, guilt free conscience, and to (5) have a healthy motivation to live the abundant life we were promised (John 10:10).
The main obstacle to genuine intimacy, many mistakenly believe, is that it “is costly, it is much easier to turn to cheap [and more convenient] substitutes such as masturbation, pornography, [romance novels, soap operas, or videos with sex scenes], and promiscuity.”[28] But in reality this cost is miniscule compared to the much higher cost of the possible consequences of using some of these substitutes: loss of productive time (time wasted in fantasizing, viewing, downloading, organizing downloads, and in struggling to eliminate the incriminating evidence such as embarrassing desktop wall paper, screen saver programs, pop-up videos or pictures, dial-up icons as well as intruding programs or harmful viruses from your computer), loss of respect by family and community, loss of promotion, of pay increase or of job or career; the cost of divorce lawyers, child support or of rebuilding trust in the existing marriage; the cost of books, videos, phone calls (for phone sex), Internet charges, software to eliminate evidence. The costs may be even greater in the case of extra-marital affairs as well as of professional counseling to overcome the weight of guilt and to resolve the underlying issues and unhealthy relationships.
Alcorn mentions eight steps which could encourage one to avoid distorted thinking in the sexual area. The eighth one is to regularly review the costly consequences of sexual sin. Recommending that each person write his or her own list to personalize it, he mentions the twenty-one that he reminds himself about on a regular basis.[29] Schaumburg admits, however, that some people, though fully aware of the consequences, “are willing to sacrifice family, career and reputation in exchange for an intimacy that’s not even real!”[30]
Failure to achieve intimacy in marriage is the result of one or both mates being selfish, a form of distorted thinking. Furman insists that the “authoritative” husband and what used to be called the “ideal” husband are both basically selfish husbands. Authoritative husbands “are thinking directly of self in the husband-wife relationship” while the “ideal” husbands “are really thinking indirectly of self most of the time because their actions are done more out of pride than out of love. They enjoy telling other husbands how ‘ideal’ they are; seldom do they do anything secretly or quietly for their wives, without any fanfare attached.”[31] Furman, who wrote both Reaching Your Full Potential, and The Intimate Husband, used the term “full-potential” husband to describe the Eph. 5:21, 22 type of husband; the selfless man who seeks (1) to understand his wife, her preferences, dislikes, dreams and wishes, allowing them to have priority over his own,[32] (2) to invest more time and effort to train his mind to think often of her and how he might build her up rather than point out her faults and complain about her attitude or service,[33] (3) to let God love her through him,[34] and (4) to strive for true intimacy.
Some wives have difficulty understanding how they are to submit to their husbands according to Eph. 5. Furman used the illustration of the musician submitting to the conductor who encourages her to reach her potential so they can work together in harmony. “Couples need to get their views in the open, study them together, and talk about new ways of understanding the concept of submission.”[35]
Although it is not easy for a person seeking intimacy through pornography to outgrow this immature attitude, Crabb and Allender remind us that:
Hope for the man losing the struggle with sexual temptation can be found in the good heart that remains within him despite his failures, a good heart that wants to bless others. As he enters into the miracle of “Christ in him” and releases his longing to give what God has uniquely placed within him, he will discover that godly affections are stronger than ungodly ones, that the joy of living in community can be more powerful than the urge to view another video. As he walks in the Spirit, he will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.[36]

One must not only avoid the seductive trap of secret lives and wounded relationships resulting from private lustful viewing of pornography, but also to be avoided are traps resulting from seeking inappropriate levels of intimacy in the work environment:
In the new infidelity, one doesn’t have to have sex to be unfaithful. In fact, secret emotional attachments outside a marriage can be just as great a betrayal as extramarital sex. When sex and emotional involvement combine, as they do increasingly in these new workplace affairs with professional colleagues, the threat to the marriage is more catastrophic-much more so than traditional affairs used to be. In the current crisis of infidelity, men are more likely to fall in love with their affair partners—in the past, they were more likely to have uncomplicated sexual liaisons. Today, women are also getting more sexually involved than they did in previous generations.[37]

The signs of an emotional affair according to Glass are:
Emotional Intimacy … When you share more about who you are—your hopes and dreams, frustrations and failures—with the other person than you do with your spouse …
Secrecy and Deception … Are you telling your spouse you’re meeting that wonderful colleague for lunch in the cafeteria every day? Lying reduces intimacy in a marriage.
Sexual Chemistry … If there is sexual chemistry between you, then at the very least there is an unacknowledged sexual attraction—even if you never act on it.[38]

Thus, “Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.” And “Friendships, work relationships, and Internet liaisons have become the latest threat to marriages.”[39]
Yates encourages marriage partners to work seriously at becoming good friends. This is best done if certain traps are avoided: The picky trap, the comparison trap, and the hopeless trap. Instead, the following qualities should be cultivated: A thankful spirit, an accepting atmosphere, a fresh vision for your marriage, a forgiving spirit, and humbleness to ask for forgiveness.[40]
On a lighter side of this area, Rosenau uses an improved version of Albert Ellis’ A-B-C method, the “A-B-C-D way of viewing life and his [Ellis’] concept of a rational and irrational way of living life.” By rejecting the fact “God created each of us unique and special” many men and women’s belief systems have become distorted regarding their bodies. They think that because they do not have the “perfect” or “ideal” body shape they will be less desirable to others. Rosenau strongly states: “Try to learn some ways to dispute your irrational, self-denigrating thinking:
1. Search out the rational truth.
2. Create positive self-statements.
3. Use mental imagery.”[41]

Sills admits that old habits or ruts, whether good or bad, are difficult to change when they must be changed because “change is disruptive, uncomfortable, all for an end that is uncertain … requires loss—loss of the old things, old people, old, comfy ways of doing and being.”[42] This is followed by a generalized method for handling distorted thinking in any area of life:
Change what you see [your perception]. Then change what you think [because “even though it feels good to satisfy them,” “it hurts you to satisfy your ruling passions all the time”]. And then, with the momentum of these shifts in your view of yourself, change what you do [satisfy other needs, other people, and in so doing, you make your family, your friends, and you colleagues nicer people to be around].[43]

Storms declares unequivocally “God is a hedonist.”[44] Crabb helps us face reality by stating,
Real pleasure, the only kind that satisfies the human soul and at the same time, transforms [one] into a marvelously decent person, is the sheer pleasure of living for the glory of God. It’s what each of us was designed to do… The core battle is to believe that the Eternal Community of God is a party that we all long to attend and to discover and freely indulge our deepest passions for their kind of fun.[45]

The main obstacle to enjoying the abundant life which God promised (John 1:10) Storm explains,
… we have been duped by the devil. We have believed what is perhaps the most pernicious lie ever told, namely that the pleasures and delights of the world, the flesh, and the devil are more enjoyable and satisfying than who God is for us in Jesus … [but] God is delicious! ... we were made to enjoy Him.[46]

To summarize, distorted thinking in the sexual area occurs because:
1. People naturally tend to be selfish, non-empathetic, and to seek their own personal gratification above that of others. Instead they should “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3), and their conversation should “be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). Older men should be treated as fathers, younger men “as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Tim. 5:1-2). “[W]e fail to realize … that grace, not [just] truth is that miraculous adhesive that bonds us to us to each other. … Both … are inseparable essential elements in living the Christian life. … see John 1:14.”[47] Forgiveness is key to healing the inevitable hurts within relationships.
2. “Enlighted people today have [allowed themselves to] become trapped in a cultural paradigm that shapes how they see themselves as men and women … focusing on gender differences and fail[ing] to recognize the importance of what is shared in common.” The focus on gender differences leads to the despair that neither will ever understand the other or work well together.[48]
3. People have become more isolated resulting in the weakening of their interpersonal infrastructure:
We’re losing human contact with one another, even though we don’t mean to. We’re busy. We’re otherwise engaged. We’re somewhere else. More and more of us ache inside, yearning to connect but wondering how to. If you feel this way, don’t feel alone. … It is time for us to find one another once again. It is time to reconnect in this busy, disconnected world.[49]

4. Many people seek to master “some powerful technique to make them stand out as a lover.” But “fantastic lovemaking is based upon who you are as a person, not what you do. Attitudes and character are what counts.”[50] It is a Christ-like attitude and godly character—not chemistry, or romance that keeps love alive. The latter two are just “icing on the cake.” Without the “cake” there is no adequate infrastructure to support a relationship in difficult times. After a presentation of “ten reasonable desires based on God’s economy for intimate companionship” (listed in the appendix), the eight basic techniques are adequately addressed.[51]
Healthy resolution between husband and wife in the sexual area can result in resolution of many other areas. An adequate biblical understanding of this area for anyone can improve their own self-esteem as well as their relationships with others as they seek to influence everyone to honor and imitate Christ.

[1]Rosenau, 1.

[2]Patrick A. Means, Men’s Secret Wars (Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell,
1999), 176.

[3]Robert Hodge and Brent Lindquist, “The Dark Side of the Internet,” Evangelical Missions Quarterly (January 2003): 54-5.

[4]Ibid., 53-5.
[5]James Lo, “The Missionary and Porn,” Evangelical Missions Quarterly (January 2003): 62-3.

[6]Bill Hybles, Christians in a Sex-Crazed Culture (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books,
1989), 91-2.

[7]Ibid., 92-3.

[8]Minnesota Family Council, “Pornography: Don’t Protect It, Reject It,” 1993 [article on-line]; available from http://www.mfc.org/resources/backgrounders/pornography.htm; Internet; accessed 20 November 2006.

[9]Forsythe, 3.

[10]Cohen, 22, 23.

[11]“Truth: Awareness Of Faulty Thinking” [article on-line]; available from http://www.happyotter.com/hotools/truth.htm; Internet; accessed 20 November 2006. See article in appendix.
[12]Bob George, Classic Christianity: Life’s Too Short to Miss the Real Thing (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, Inc., 1989), 143.

[13]Hybles, 19.

[14]Donna Rice Hughes, Kids Online: Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace. (Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 1998), 63.

[15]Lutz, 72-3.
[16]Les Parrott and Leslie Parrot, Relationships (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 2002), 93-8. See also Dianne Hales, “5. Don’t shy away from touchy topics” in “What No Marriage Can Do Without,” Reader’s Digest, June 1993, 122 (Condensed from Working Mothers).

[17]Clifford and Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex: A Christian Guide to Sexual Fulfillment (Waco, TX: Word Books, 1981), 229.

[18]Dan Allender and Temper Longman III, Intimate Allies (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1999), 230-1.

[19]Philippe Mutaka and Flora A. Molima, eds., Wish I had Known (Yaoundé, Cameroon: Editions Sherpa, 2004), 89.

[20]’Funmi Akingbade, Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (Kaduna, Nigeria: Evangel Publishers Ltd., 2000), 120.

[21]Joseph and Linda Dillow and Peter and Lorraine Pintus, Intimacy Ignited: Conversations Couple to Couple. (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2004), 273-4.

[22]Parrott and Parrot, 76.
[23]Jack Mayhall and Carole Mayhall, Marriage Takes More Than Love (Colorado Springs, CO: Navpress, 1978, 219.

[24]A summarization of the verses from The Message, as well as from statements made by several Christian marriage counselors cited in this study: Parrott, Penner, Rosenau, Wright, etc.

[25]Guinness, 2000, 240
[26]Ibid., 240-1.

[27]Forsythe, 12.

[28]Ibid., 13.
[29]Alcorn, “Strategies to keep from falling,” Leadership (Summer 1996).

[30]Harry W. Schaumburg, False Intimacy (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1997) [quotation on-line]; available from http://www.parsonage.org/articles/reviews/A000001044.cfm; Internet; accessed 20 November 2006.
[31]Richard Furman, The Intimate Husband (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, Inc., 1986), 14.

[32]Ibid., 61-70.

[33]Ibid.

[34]Ibid., 82.

[35]Penner, 1981, 223.

[36]Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, Hope When You’re Hurting (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1996), 204.
[37]Shirley Glass, NOT “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal (New York, NY: The Free Press, 2003) [quotation on-line]; available from http://www.shirleyglass.com/book.htm; Internet; accessed 20 November 2006.

[38]Ibid.

[39]Ibid.

[40]Susan Yates. “Befriend Your Spouse,” Today’s Christian Woman (September/October 2000), 42-5.
[41]Rosenau, 192-3.

[42]Judith Sills, Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way (New York, NY: Viking Penguin, 1993), 17.

[43]Ibid., 18.

[44] Sam Storm, Pleasures Evermore: The Life-Changing Power of Enjoying God, (Colorado Springs, CO: Navpress, 2000), 11.

[45]Larry Crabb, foreword to Sam Storm, Pleasures Evermore, 8-9.

[46]Ibid., 48. (See Storm’s ideas on “How to overcome temptation” in appendix.)

[47]Wakefield and Brolsma, 33-4.
[48]Wakefield and Brolsma, 20-1.

[49]Edward M. Hallowell, Connect (New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1999), xi-xii.

[50]Rosenau, 12.

[51]Ibid., xi.

Yaoundé Tricks and Treats

We don’t think too much about Halloween here—we’ve been enjoying our Thanksgiving decorations for several weeks already. But our move to the big city of Yaoundé has made me think of trick or treating in a new way…

Trick—humidity sticks (literally!) around 92% this time of year. Shoes and video tapes are the hardest hit, but even CDs and DVDs can get an odd coating of white fuzz. Medicines change colors and texture and make you wonder about their effectiveness (and safety??).
Treat—the inside temperature stays around 75 degrees all the time this time of year—quite pleasant!

Trick—when the Cameroonian president Paul Biya travels between his palace and the airport, all the roads on his route close for several hours. We have to cross that route to get from our house to Rain Forest International School. You just never know when this might happen!
Treat—we only live a 15-minute walk from school and they usually do allow pedestrian traffic to cross.

Trick—in the village we could buy a whole stalk of bananas for about $1.25. Here in Yaoundé we pay that much for about 3 small bunches.
Treat—bananas were one of the very few things available in the village. Here we can get all kinds of fresh fruit, vegetables and meat any day of the week. We’re “O-D-ing” on lettuce salads and fruit smoothies with wonderful papaya, mangoes and other tropical fruit.

Trick—we know a bit more about our nearest neighbors than we might wish. They live much of their lives—cooking, entertaining, doing laundry, etc.—in their side yard, which is just under our bedroom window. We know their tastes in music. We know when they are up early to chop wood for their cook fire and we know when the fish starts sizzling in the pan. We know the toddler is being potty trained, and we know she REALLY doesn’t enjoy the process. We know when the baby is distressed. We know if the puppies are upset. We know when the dad comes in at 4 a.m. to find himself locked out and has to bang on the gate to wake someone to let him in. (If only we’d had the key we could have let him in long before he got in!)
Treat—we have new opportunities to have neighbors and friends over and are enjoying the hospitality of others as well.

Trick—some of our missionary neighbors have had their homes broken into, particularly on Sunday mornings when they are away at church. Another colleague recently experienced an attempted robbery on the road close to our house while walking back from a nearby shop. Fortunately a friend came to his aid and they chased the thief away before he got the money and cell phone he was after.
Treat—God is faithful and sovereign and we rest in His loving care. If we do get robbed someday, it’s only stuff anyway. He has us hemmed in, behind and before, according to Psalm 139:5. So why worry, when you can pray?!

That probably gives you some ideas of how our lives have changed, but there are always many good things to enjoy and appreciate. Our Father God treats us very well!!

Love and prayers,
Karen <>< for the Colemans

P.S. There is an opportunity to give quite effortlessly to World Team (or another good cause of your choice) through the use of an internet search engine called GoodSearch. They will donate 50% of their ad revenue to the charity you choose every time you search on their site, which is a powerful site much like Google. Check it out and let’s help the furtherance of God’s Kingdom!

Here's the web site - http://www.goodsearch.com/

October News

Last Friday [October 12, 2007] brought back such fun memories of last winter in Oregon….talk around the dinner table the night before….bedtime prayers (“Lord, PLEASE let it snow tonight!”)….getting up early to listen to the announcements on the radio…watching the ticker on the bottom of the TV screen…even checking the Internet….what’s the verdict?...will there be school today??

NO! No school and great rejoicing in the Coleman household! We all get the day off!

Did we have snow? In Cameroon? Well, not really…It was actually about 75 degrees Fahrenheit outside! This “snow day” was based entirely on a sighting of the moon! The Islam fasting month, Ramadan, was about to end, based on when someone—exactly who is not exactly clear!—sees the new moon. The next day is declared a national holiday and, to be sensitive to our host culture (and avoid rioting among the student body) Rain Forest International School also takes the day off. : ) Zac got to sleep in and Noah played some extra “Battle for Middle Earth” on the computer. It was a fun, relaxing day. But somehow the hot chocolate that tasted so good in Oregon last year didn’t interest any of us here!

We finished our first quarter of school on September 28, amidst a flurry of grading quizzes, papers and tests for Arnie. (With 38 students, he determined he gave a few too many quizzes for his own good last quarter and says he’s cutting back a bit.) For our October Break (1-8 October) we headed north to Bamenda, our old stomping grounds. Over the course of the week, we met with our Esimbi translation coordinator James, our literacy coordinator, Daniel, our Wycliffe literacy consultant, Truus, and the vice president of the translation committee Emmanuel. The work is progressing and we were encouraged. We also had time for fun with friends, a jigsaw puzzle, some DVD movies, even a water gun fight.

We’re back into our routines now. This week at school is Special Emphasis Week on Self-Awareness. Karen is leading a small group entitled, “Who Am I?” using scripture to teach the truth of who we are in the eyes of God. Zac spent last Saturday morning at an orphanage in town, playing with the kids for part of his “Community Service” requirement. Noah finished his “Medieval Life” paper for Social Studies. Arnie is reading up on secular humanism (via www.secularhuminism.org – many articles very strong against Christianity), communism and global warming for his “Bible and Worldview” classes. Our guest book is filling up a bit faster here in Yaoundé than it did in Benade, since we have the opportunity to have folks over for dinner more often. We recently had our Dutch neighbor and his Cameroonian wife over with another Dutch missionary family with kids at RFIS. Our neighbor was ecstatic to meet them and talked Dutch nearly non-stop throughout the meal. He had not seen any other Dutchmen in Yaounde. The other kids translated some for us so we could know a little of what was going on…it was pretty comical.

Thanks for your prayers for us as we balance these new RFIS responsibilities with overseeing the Esimbi project. We are currently trying to figure out how to get our Esimbi tone data off of a fairly dead computer so that we can present it to a Wycliffe colleague who has offered to help us sort out our old unresolved tone puzzle. We are also looking ahead to next school year and need God’s wisdom as we consider some options for further ministry at the school that have been presented to us. We appreciate you and your prayers for us more than we can ever express.

And we have a favor to ask of you…if you have a photo of yourself that you could mail or email to us, we’d appreciate it. We now have our prayer board hung in the dining room, but it’s still empty. We promise to post your picture as a reminder to pray for you.

Arnie, Karen, Zac and Noah Coleman <><

c/o SIL
B.P. 1299
Yaoundé, Cameroon
237-7757-1463
arnie.coleman@worldteam.org